Blog Assignment #12- Risky Online Behavior

Why might it be tricky for people to recognize when they are being manipulated, especially online? Some people try to manipulate you by pretending to be your friend, or making you feel understood and valued. Manipulation involves telling you things you want to hear, and gradually winning your trust before trying to control you.

You are going to read and analyze a story about a teen's risky online relationship. This story will challenge you to think beyond online predator stereotypes. You should pay attention to how the relationship develops, and be on the lookout for anything that seems like manipulation. 

Sheyna’s first year of high school is off to a rough start. She was a CIT (counselor in training) at a day camp this summer and loved every minute of it. But now Sheyna misses camp and feels like she can’t relate to her school friends anymore.

Every evening, Sheyna IMs (instant messages) Nick, the assistant director of her camp. He just graduated from college and lives a few hours away from her. Nick and Sheyna didn’t know each other that well, but they exchanged screen names at the end of the summer. Sheyna talks to Nick about how much she misses camp and why she’s frustrated with her friends. Nick is funny, flirty, and great at giving advice. “Those girls sound so immature,” he tells her. “You might as well be in college. Seriously. You act way cooler than any 14-ˇyear-old I know.”

A few weeks after school starts, Nick starts flirting with Sheyna more obviously:

kNicksFan93 did you know i thought about you at camp all the time?

i like couldn’t take my eyes off you

sheybey101 :) why didn’t you say anything!?

kNicksFan93 lol u were a CIT

kNicksFan93 …and i want to make sure u will still be a CIT next summer….

so we can’t tell anyone about this…

sheybey101 ummm i better be a CIT next summer! jk. (but seriously.)

kNicksFan93 parents freak out about this kind of stuff

kNicksFan93 u don’t want me to lose my job, right?

sheybey101 of course not!

kNicksFan93 that’s my girl. so glad that we can trust each other.

Sheyna’s Situation

Nick then asks Sheyna to send him some pictures of her in her bathing suit at camp. Sheyna is flattered, but it makes her feel a little uncomfortable. She decides to send the pictures anyway. Nick always talks about how mature she seems, and she doesn’t want to make him think otherwise.  One day after soccer practice, Sheyna’s best friend, Grace, asks to borrow her phone. Without trying to snoop, Grace sees a few sexts (sexually explicit text messages) between Sheyna and Nick. Grace doesn’t know much about Nick, which is strange because she and Sheyna usually tell each other about their crushes. Grace decides to ask Sheyna about her relationship with Nick.

This relationship is risky. Why does it matter? What's at stake for Sheyna? What about Nick? Think about the emotional and legal issues that may arise when younger people develop romantic, or sexual, relationships online with older people, or even with people their own age. In this case, Sheyna may eventually feel embarrassed, upset, or used. Also, Nick - a young adult - is sending sexually explicit messages to a 14-year-old. This is illegal in most states.

In your blog post

Expand your advice to Sheyna into a general set of principles (at least 6) for teens to follow in avoiding risky online relationships.

Be sure to include the following points:

• Change it up. If something feels like it might be getting risky, it probably is. But if you're not sure, try changing the subject, making a joke, or saying you want to talk about something else. If you still feel pressured by or uncomfortable with the situation, you need to take further action.
• Log off or quit. You need to remember that at any time you can just stop typing and log off if a conversation gets uncomfortable online. You can also take action to block or report another user or create a new account - whether for email, IM, or a virtual world- to avoid contact with that person again.
• Know that it's okay to feel embarrassed or confused. It's not always easy to make sense of situations that make you feel uncomfortable online. Nor is it easy to ask for help if you feel embarrassed about what you've experienced. These feelings are normal, and it's okay to talk about them.
• Talk to a friend or a trusted adult. Don't be afraid to reach out. Even if you feel you can handle a tricky situation alone, it's always a good idea to turn to friends, parents, teachers, coaches, and counselors for support.

Also, based on the story you just read, answer the following questions as if you were Sheyna. 

1. How did you meet Nick, and how often do you talk to him?

2. Is Nick older than you? By how much?

3. Has Nick ever asked you to keep your relationship secret? In what way?

4. Have you ever felt uncomfortable with anything that Nick has asked

you to do?

Now answer the following questions as if you were Grace, not Sheyna. 

5. Does it seem like Nick is manipulating Sheyna? Why or why not?

6. Why might this be a sensitive issue for Sheyna?

7. What advice would you give Sheyna about her relationship with Nick?

To complete this assignment you will have 1) a general set of principals regarding online activity and 2) an answer to each of the 7 questions based on Sheyna's story.